Friday, December 01, 2006

You’ll soon hear she’s seriously sick, that her final diagnosis is maniacal depression. She’ll be in the psychiatric department. She’ll be pretending like she’s taking meds, but she’s using the pills to complete your mosaic image on the wall behind the wardrobe. “scratch him off, JUST SCRATCH HIM OFF OF YOUR MIND GOD DAMN IT”. “ I can’t …I can’t I can’t I can’t” echoes. …blood on her teeth, neurotic scream “FUUUCCKK”.

…I had a strange dream last night. that rooster was black, and while he was spiting his chicken sperms into his hens’ assholes I could see his tits. then he got of that poor creature and shrugged off her feathers. he was a kinky one. ..had huge spurs and a whip, black leather instead of feathers. I was his friend but I still let him make me bleed. And I bled …and bled …and bled.
I’m done being nice. my schizophrenic tendencies are there to spread their ribs when I feel alone. I don’t care about you, I don’t care about outside factors, I’m a free spirit and I don’t give a damn if this freedom is not seen in my behavior. outside factors are depriving only for those who let them be depriving. I care about my spine, my lungs, my blood circulation. you can’t break me because you don’t exist. your very strength is my acceptance of it, …you’re so weak.
I’m a poor one, though I don’t pity myself for a moment. the world my parents’ hormones placed me in can’t contain me and spits me out. too bad for the world.
I wasn’t meant to be born. that’s my primal strength.
Schizophrenia! here I come.

snow man’s penis. old farts’ sex. sex . sex. SEX goddamn it! pianist’s fingers. bring your lenses closer to my knees while I’m straddling over my double bass. make railroad out of my backbone. I’m a nest without a hymen. Spider’s knuckles. stab her colorless eyes with a fork! sew up her holes, …nah, leave the mouth alone_ prisoners might enjoy it.
Placeless ‘I love you’ and
Fuck off.

P.S. gotta love me.