would you give up your love if doing so got you to your happiness? my aunt always used to tell me: " you are happier if you go with the man who loves you than with the one you love". i never undesrtood her, i thought i never really needed to. "that's a really Georgian thing for a woman to do"_i used to tell myself being more than damn sure of my lover's feelings. well, i guess life is all about trying everything, and my time's ticking. Gotta get myself moving faster, enjoying the curse of every stair I i step over. heh... makes me smile that i'm more than able to do it. Konstantine questioned once why i was pretending to be such a helpless child, why my whole body was crying out for a protection from a strong man like him whenever i was with him. i only now realize_ .... God! he believed in me. he's seen me as i was. it always hurm me though to listen to him teaching me stuff. i hated him for being so unreasonably proud to just tell me things. what's with men and construction anyway? (oh, my bad, what's with me and teachers?)...it's like ...breaking me. i am constructed already, you greedy peasant! ...but wasn't that where he was leading me to back then? _to make me realize he saw me as i was, that he believed in me? damn it, then change your way of "making me realize", it's breaking me. ...never mind *breath slowing down* none of these matter any more. i'd rather spend/use the time i've left on something that;s ahead of me rather than rebuilding the old templpe from the burnt walls that's left from it. and then i read in this book: "even a builing that burns to the ground will have a few surviving timbers that can still bear wieght" ...*laughs* yea, makes me laugh.
what;s the true value of an arrow? ...heh, i'll know when i land, i'll know when i die.
and i just answered my question.
i started! there's no turning back.